Me, Myself, and I (second in a series)

The longer I live, the more certain I am that the answer to the question:

"What's it all about?"

can be stated very simply:

"It's all about getting to love myself."

Now, stop rolling your eyes and reaching for the mouse. I said the answer can be stated very simply. I didn't say the answer is simple....although I have started wondering why we think the goal is so hard that many of us don't even try to reach it.

Why do we think of loving as something we can only do - or should only do (there's the "should" word: look for it in a blog of its own, very soon) - why do we think we can only love other people? And, frankly, if we can't love ourselves, how can we tell when we are loving other people? How can we know what love feels like? Not some sitcom and fashion magazine kind of love, but the real kind, the kind every human longs for...whether we admit it or not?

How do I get there - to loving myself? Lots of good self-help books tell me I
should(!)stop yelling at myself, stop criticizing and mocking myself for things I don't do perfectly. Stop judging myself, be kinder to myself, do nice things for me, celebrate myself, dance when I'm alone and even laugh with myself. Those can feel like baby steps when I don't love myself, like being at the start of a very long road: will I even have enouh time to get all the way up to loving myself with those small things?

Here's the thing: as long as we're living under the burden of things we wish were different in our lives, we can't know how it feels to be loved by ourselves. But even if we can change some of those small things we wish were different - like the ways we treat ourselves - wouldn't we feel better? And, maybe it's only a short road, not so long as we're afraid (fear: please read the Fear blog before you continue).

Here's another thing: every day that I live is another whole day of my very own life. Why should I waste any of them? Why wouldn't I want to spend every single one of them in the best love affair I could ever have - the one I can be absolutely certain will last for as long as I live? Wouldn't everything be much better in that environment? Isn't that what it's all about?

Me, Myself, and I (first in a series)

Think about it. We are with ourselves wherever we are and whenever we are there - whether we want to be or not. We're the ones who wear that gorgeous glow all over when we're happier than we could have imagined ourselves. And no one - no one - can break our hearts the same way we can. Before any of the guests show up, and long after everyone has gone home: it's always just each of us, and ourselves.

This is a giant truth that all of us humans share.

So, you'd think that all this "up close and personal"-ness of my own proximity would mean I always want the very best for myself. Unconditionally. What else would I say if somebody asked? Of course I want to be happy. I want to have a wildly successful life. And I want to be the one to define my life in the most meaningful way I can. After all, who has a greater stake in whatever I do...than I do?

Think about the next most important relationship in your life. How do you take care of it? How do you show how much it means to you, how much you treasure it?

Isn't it time you took that kind of care of your most important relationship?

Fear

I had a "fear weekend" a few months ago. Have you ever had one?

When I was a young person in my 20's, I used to joke that I was afraid of everything, but everything equally. So, since I had to do something, I folded up all my fear and slipped it into the back pocket of my jeans. Then I could just take it with me anywhere I went.

Have you ever noticed that we call fear, "my" fear? As if it's just the two of us in a special relationship, it's ours alone, and we own it?

Fear, of course, the kind that's hard-wired into our brains, is there to help us. "Fight" or "flight" we call it, so we'll know instinctively how to react to a possible danger in order to save our lives. We all have that fear.

But this fear, "my" fear, well, that's quite something else again...isn't it?

I've learned that "my" fear is very smart, and determined. It challenges me, even dares me to spot it before it takes over. It wears clever disguises. It masquerades as thoughtful concern, or something I might think is really important. Sometimes it takes me a while to recognize that it's just, oh, "my" fear.

But there's this about my fear - When I catch up with it, when I call it what it is - it begins to evaporate, instantly. It disappears, as quickly as it came on. If I stand up to it, it can't stand up to me. I'm bigger, and stronger, than it.

Try this sometime, when you're feeling "your" fear: grab a pen and paper, and write about it.
Start with something like this: "My fear tried to keep me from something I want today...." When you finish writing, pick your head up and take a deep breath. Is it still there? If it's getting smaller, keep writing: you're on the right track.

We're bigger than our fear, because we've created it. We've made it a part of ourselves that doesn't really exist without our inviting it in. If you can figure out why you invited it in (Start with asking yourself, "What is it I'm afraid of?"), you can decide if you want to give into it, or if you want to cancel the invitation.

We are much more powerful than we know!